just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
