I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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