PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize