yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize