Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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