apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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