not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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