Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
