hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
