haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
