Got a toothbrush?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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