Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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