just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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