Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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