i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
