I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
