how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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