U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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