I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
