My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
