i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
