Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
