The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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