I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My ATM looks so different sober.
She's the barista slut.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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