he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
