you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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