i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
