you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
