i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
