Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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