the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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