If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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