I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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