how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
