Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
its liver damage thursday
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