thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
