Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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