It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
This house was built for laser tag.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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