I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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