I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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