All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
