Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
