awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so let's talk penis.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
