it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
