I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
