Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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