can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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