How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
