The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
