HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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