My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
