Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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