Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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