Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
