In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
