Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
