This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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