walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I want a musical about memes.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
