yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
