Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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