sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
