Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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