i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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