who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize