come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
