i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
