Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
