This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
