I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
