I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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