eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize